Friday, January 8, 2010

Jonathan Capehart: Cranky Would-be Action Hero

 I'll tell you this, it didn't take very long for our old anonymous sources to come out of the woodwork.

As Tim, our ad sales guys was opening the offices this morning, a black Bentley pulled up to curb, the passenger-side window descended and a sunglassed woman hurriedly tossed a manila envelope at his feet and sped away. It was in this envelope where our very first scoop of the new year resided.

It turns out that our Jonathan leads somewhat of a double life. According to the contracts, promotional mock-ups and notes enclosed in said envelope, Mr. Capehart is a much sought after matinee idol. Once we were able to verify the authenticity of the documents we were shocked to learn that Jonathan Capehart was offered and accepted the lead role in the upcoming big budget dystopian thriller, The Book of Eli. Denzel Washington who now stars in the film, was actually the replacement for Jonathan once Warner Bros. determined he was not coming back to the set after a violent outburst on-location that apparently is now part of Hollywood legend.

Details of this episode are just starting to come to light, but what we can ascertain so far is that said outburst stemmed from continual disagreements between Jonathan and craft services. Apparently craft services kept putting out bagels and cream cheese despite his protestations. Finally, he had enough and the Washington Post columnist sped from the Albuquerque-based production in a junior-level make-up artists' 1992 Mazda Protege and never came back. Three days later, Washington reported to the set, filming resumed and as far as Warner Bros. and Jonathan were concerned, the whole episode never occurred.

We will of course provide further details on this story as they develop.

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