Thursday, June 10, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Jonathan makes his first appearance on
The Dylan Ratigan Show

Jonathan graced the screens of all who watched MSNBC today by making his debut appearance on The Dylan Ratigan Show.

Once again, Jonathan gave an inspired assessment of the political firmament while festooned in a smart dark patterned suit with a handsome double-windsor perfectly complimenting his classic spread collar.

The only issue we would take with his appearance was the gargantuan oversight on the part of Mr. Ratigan in neglecting to mention or post Viva Jonathan Capehart in the list of Jonathan's credentials

We hope that this unfortunate error will be rectified in Jonathan's next appearance.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Jonathan on the McLaughlin Report:
The battle of solid ties and giblets

The reason for the tardiness of this post is that none of the Viva Jonathan Capehart staff was of a sufficient mettle from a Saturday evening of imbibing to endure three minutes of Monica Crowley. With that said, we sobered up yesterday and watched Jonathan's spirited appearance on The McLaughlin Report.

So it appears that the delicate detente between Jonathan and Patrick J. Buchanan crumbled over the weekend due to a heated debate surrounding the special election win of Massachusetts State Senator Scott Brown. In a battle of wills that was marked by the ferocity of hues in each man's solid ties, Jonathan and Buchanan squared off on the partisan nuances that contributed to pretty boy Brown's win. Jonathan succinctly and effectively stated that the Republican's platform is that of stale marzipan to which Buchanan ceded, yet belligerently continued to insist that the tea-baggin' whites came out in droves to overpower the darker democrats. Inflating the margin of African-American voters involved in this special election to buttress his weak argument, Buchanan was soundly corrected by Mr. McLaughlin and our offices went wild.

And no political discourse is complete without scandal and/or nudity, thus Scott Brown's Cosmopolitan nude spread became a topic. Jonathan rightly stood on the progressive side of this argument defending the picture for its aesthetic quality as well as the puritanical injustice thrust upon it. In what some might consider tantamount to the language used by a seasoned jurist, Jonathan made a compelling defense for the neutered Brown Cosmo Spread. "Why it's digitalized like that is beyond me, because giblets aren't showing!” Well said, Jonathan well said.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A conversation with Al Sharpton

Rev. Al Sharpton talks about the panic in the Democratic Party and what Harold Ford Jr.'s butt and toes have to do with his potential primary challenge to Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) (The Washington Post)

Monday, January 18, 2010

"Mr. Capehart, you have arrived"

This morning, Viva Jonathan Capehart had it's coming out so to speak, on MSNBC's Morning Joe thanks to the always jocular and disturbingly strapping, Willie Geist.

Willie, flanked by Viva staff favorite Old Man Barnacle, announced that the Viva franchise had risen from the ashes like some genius slacker phoenix and declared, "Mr. Capehart, you have arrived" referencing the immense fame and fortune that is now coming Jonathan's way due to being selected as the new Viva hot property. The front page and VJC schwag was prominently displayed on-screen with priceless commentary by the Morning Joe crew. Most notably was Mika's aside that this t-shirt will be her new nightie; leading our creative director Ted to lock himself in his office with only his imagination and Photoshop in creating what will probably be something we'll have to fire him for.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

PostPartisan: Jonathan on Haiti

Jonathan makes the case for a reexamination of U.S. immigration positions in the wake of the Haiti earthquake.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

NSFW: Jonathan does impersonations...
don't forget to tip your waiter

Along with being a man of letters, our Jonathan also fancies himself a bit of a vaudevillian as displayed this morning in his spot-on impersonation of  Mika Brzezinski introducing a Willie Geist segment.

If there's a baby boom in September, consider this the catalyst.

To Commemorate History

When a nation is healed by a selfless and symbolic act of know there's going to be a t-shirt!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Monday Morning Morning Joe Mash-up starring the distinguished Jonathan Capehart and some white guys

There comes a time in one's life where you see something and you whisper in amazement to yourself, "okay, now I have seen it all". Here we all thought the election our nation's first black president was that something, but no America, that was the penultimate spectacle. The real moment you'll tell your grandchildren about was Jonathan Capehart and Pat Buchanan bumping fists in racial solidarity on Morning Joe.

It all of course stemmed from Senator Harry Reid's anachronistic racial gaffe that was laid bare in the book, Game Change. Joe Scarborough seemed to have an almost fetishistic affinity for this topic. The poor soul seemed quite peeved and shocked by the duplicity of Washington which was readily apparent by the new hue of scarlet he invented with his face. And thanks Joe, one of our interns quit on her first day on the job after she gave up trying to count all the times you repeated "negro dialect".

Providing the informed calm perspective and his trademark personal aesthetic was our own Jonathan. His unlikely ally and "soul brother #1", was intolerant misanthrope and Dennis the Menace's neighbor, Patrick J. Buchanan. Both he and Jonathan agreed that what Reid said was not said out malice nor was it an untruth. It was just stupid. The Reverend Al Sharpton chimed in as well and for a breath-holding moment in which he invoked Jonathan's name, even he made an effective argument. I tell you folks, stars were aligning all over the place

And the magic didn't end there. It was later reported by NBC programming, that Buchanan and Capehart will be getting their own crime-fighting buddy comedy this fall that will replace one of the nights from Jay Leno's failed time slot.

Friday, January 8, 2010

ANDREA MITCHELL REPORTS: Jonathan gives his take on what presidents talk about

Yesterday on Andrea Mitchell Reports, Dame Andrea asks our Jonathan his opinion on what Presidents Obama and Clinton will be discussing in the Oval Office. Once again, deftly proving to all of us that brevity is the soul of wit.

Jonathan Capehart: Cranky Would-be Action Hero

 I'll tell you this, it didn't take very long for our old anonymous sources to come out of the woodwork.

As Tim, our ad sales guys was opening the offices this morning, a black Bentley pulled up to curb, the passenger-side window descended and a sunglassed woman hurriedly tossed a manila envelope at his feet and sped away. It was in this envelope where our very first scoop of the new year resided.

It turns out that our Jonathan leads somewhat of a double life. According to the contracts, promotional mock-ups and notes enclosed in said envelope, Mr. Capehart is a much sought after matinee idol. Once we were able to verify the authenticity of the documents we were shocked to learn that Jonathan Capehart was offered and accepted the lead role in the upcoming big budget dystopian thriller, The Book of Eli. Denzel Washington who now stars in the film, was actually the replacement for Jonathan once Warner Bros. determined he was not coming back to the set after a violent outburst on-location that apparently is now part of Hollywood legend.

Details of this episode are just starting to come to light, but what we can ascertain so far is that said outburst stemmed from continual disagreements between Jonathan and craft services. Apparently craft services kept putting out bagels and cream cheese despite his protestations. Finally, he had enough and the Washington Post columnist sped from the Albuquerque-based production in a junior-level make-up artists' 1992 Mazda Protege and never came back. Three days later, Washington reported to the set, filming resumed and as far as Warner Bros. and Jonathan were concerned, the whole episode never occurred.

We will of course provide further details on this story as they develop.

Viva Jonathan Capehart Launches!
(and Todd and Maddow rescind restraining orders)

That's right kids - The band is back together.

Long story short: the Viva Team of lore were unable to find any real employment post-mothballing of Viva Chuck Todd and Viva Rachel Maddow.  Okay, some of us were able to land jobs: pizza delivering in sub-freezing temps, doing P.R. work for the high fructose corn syrup lobby and hustling closeted advertising execs in Los Angeles. After those occupational debacles, we all decided to go back to doing what we do best: form a ridiculously elaborate fansite for an individual that has a hell of a lot more talent than all of us put together.

And the new recipient of our misplaced creative fervor is none other than the urbane and sagacious Mr. Jonathan Capehart (maybe next time Geist).

So we look forward to hearing from old friends who hung around long enough to watch us jump the shark with the other Viva properties. And we look forward to new ones who share the same appreciation for the ebullient brown bon vivant.